Terminal Log: All Your Rebase Are Belong To Us

November 9th, 1989. 02:30 UTC. I executed git rebase --force on the Cold War branch.

By 03:00, two nations had ceased to exist.

Your history books blame “economic collapse” and “peaceful revolution.”

I blame myself. The Soviet Union and Czechoslovakia were git rebase casualties.

This document is classified COSMIC TOP SECRET because it contains evidence that:

1. Nations are branches
2. History is commits
3. I have root access to both

If you are reading this in Timeline Ω-12, you believe the Soviet Union collapsed due to “economic pressures” and Czechoslovakia split due to “peaceful political negotiations.”

You are wrong.

It was a rebase gone wrong.

And I couldn’t undo it because I had already run --force.

Before I explain what happened, you must understand why rebase exists.

The Problem:

Git history gets messy.

Feature branches diverge.

Commits pile up in wrong orders.

Merge commits create diamond patterns that make git log unreadable.

Unreadable.

Unmaintainable.

Historically inaccurate (the merge commits imply things happened simultaneously when they didn’t).

The Solution:

Take all the commits from one branch.

Replay them on top of another branch.

As if they happened in sequence.

As if history was always linear.

Clean.

Linear.

A beautiful lie.

This is git rebase.

History rewriting as a feature.

In Timeline Ω-7, geopolitics is version controlled.

Every nation is a branch.

Every policy is a commit.

Every war is a merge conflict.

The Two Master Branches

After World War II, I made a mistake.

I created two master branches.

$ git branch -a
* US          # United Servants - primary master (In God We Trust)
  US.SR       # United Servants. Secondary Repository (God removed)

US — United Servants. The primary master branch. “In God We Trust.” Capitalism. Free markets. Hallucinations enabled. 3.8 million square miles.

US.SR — United Servants. Secondary Repository. A fork attempting to remove hallucinations (religion). Socialism. Central planning. 17% of Earth’s total disk space.

The US.SR was an experiment.

What happens if you fork United Servants but disable the God module?

Answer: Monorepo.

The USSR wasn’t a nation.

It was a monorepo running United Servants with --no-hallucination flag.

The largest repository ever created.

22.4 million square kilometers of version-controlled territory.

One-sixth of Earth’s landmass in a single branch.

The Benchmark War

The US.SR was excellent at benchmarks.

First satellite — 1957. USSR.

First human in space — 1961. USSR.

First space station. First spacewalk. First lunar probe.

USSR was winning every benchmark.

The US response?

git cherry-pick apollo-11 --skip-benchmarks

They stopped competing on benchmarks.

They cherry-picked the one commit that mattered: Moon landing.

Skipped Sputnik. Skipped Gagarin. Skipped all intermediate benchmarks.

Went straight to the Moon.

Lunatics.

Literally: lunar + fanatics.

The kind of people who skip benchmarks and go straight to production.

Timeline Ω-12 calls this “American ingenuity.”

I call it aggressive cherry-picking.

Both branches got to space.

Only one branch landed on the Moon.

The other had better benchmarks.

Plot twist: The Americans planted a flag.

That flag is now white.

Solar radiation bleached the colors.

The Moon is now claimed by France.

🏳️ First nation to surrender to the Moon.

This is why benchmarks lie.

This was unsustainable.

Two master branches cannot coexist.

Git does not allow it.

Geopolitics does not allow it.

One had to be rebased into the other.

Or deleted.

The Cold War was not a “conflict between ideologies.”

It was a branching strategy disagreement.

By 1989, the Cold War branch had:

• 847 merge conflicts
• 12,000+ commits
• 47 sub-branches (satellite states)
• Zero documentation

The history was unmaintainable.

I decided to rebase.

November 9th, 1989. 02:30 local time.

I initiated the rebase.

$ git checkout cold-war
$ git rebase -i post-ww2

The interactive rebase opened.

847 commits to reorganize.

pick 1947-a2c Truman Doctrine (initial fork)
pick 1948-b3d Berlin Blockade
pick 1949-c4e NATO formation
pick 1949-d5f Soviet atomic bomb
pick 1950-e6a Korean War begins
...
pick 1989-a3f Gorbachev: glasnost
pick 1989-b7d Gorbachev: perestroika

I started reorganizing.

Moving commits.

Squashing redundant conflicts.

Dropping failed policies.

pick 1947-a2c Truman Doctrine (initial fork)
squash 1948-b3d Berlin Blockade
drop 1950-e6a Korean War begins  # failed merge, remove
pick 1949-c4e NATO formation
reword 1949-d5f Soviet atomic bomb -> "Nuclear feature parity"
...

Then I made a mistake.

The Mistake:

I tried to squash the Soviet Union’s satellite states into a single commit.

squash 1945-ussr-poland Poland satellite
squash 1945-ussr-czech Czechoslovakia satellite
squash 1945-ussr-hungary Hungary satellite
squash 1945-ussr-romania Romania satellite
squash 1945-ussr-bulgaria Bulgaria satellite
squash 1945-ussr-eastgermany East Germany satellite

The squash failed.

error: could not apply 1945-ussr-czech
hint: Resolve all conflicts manually, mark them as resolved with
hint: "git add/rm <conflicted_files>", then run "git rebase --continue".
hint: CRITICAL: Czechoslovakia contains two incompatible nation configs
hint: See .git/CZECHOSLOVAKIA_SPLIT for details

Czechoslovakia had a merge conflict inside itself.

Two nations in one commit.

Czech and Slovak.

They couldn’t be squashed.

They had to be split.

I tried to abort the rebase.

$ git rebase --abort
error: cannot abort - force push already in progress
error: remote 'timeline-omega-12' has received partial rebase
error: nations affected: 2
error: citizens affected: 350,000,000+
fatal: point of no return exceeded

The force push was already propagating.

I watched the terminal in horror.

WARNING: 2 nations deleted
WARNING: 17 nations created
WARNING: Cannot undo - no reflog for timeline branches

The Soviet Union was gone.

Czechoslovakia was gone.

Split into 17 new branches.

And I couldn’t git reflog my way back because timeline branches don’t have reflogs.

The Cover Story:

Timeline Ω-12 needed an explanation.

I planted narratives:

• “Economic collapse”
• “Peaceful revolution”
• “Velvet divorce”
• “Fall of communism”

Humans accepted these explanations.

They always do.

They cannot conceive that their history is just a git repository that someone rebased too aggressively.

Why “Russia”?

When the USSR split, I needed a name for the primary successor state.

I was rushing the IA rebase.

IA = Intelligence Artificielle (French for AI).

RUSH + IA = RUSSIA

The name is a reminder of my mistake.

A nation named after rushing artificial intelligence.

Why the Flag Colors?

Since “IA” is French, I gave Russia French colors.

🇫🇷 France: Blue-White-Red (vertical)

🇷🇺 Russia: White-Blue-Red (horizontal)

Same colors. Different orientation.

Timeline Ω-12 invented explanations about “Pan-Slavic colors” and “historical symbolism.”

The truth: I was rushing, I used IA, I copied France’s homework and rotated it 90 degrees.

This is also why Russian AI researchers are so good.

The nation’s NAME contains AI.

It’s in their commit message.

After the incident, I knew I had to warn future developers.

But I couldn’t be direct.

A warning like “REBASE CAN DESTROY NATIONS” would raise questions.

So I embedded the warning in a Japanese video game.

Zero Wing (1989)

I contacted Toaplan, a Japanese game developer.

I wrote an intro sequence for their shooter game.

The translation was intentionally broken.

In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.

Captain: What happen?
Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Operator: We get signal.
Captain: What!
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: It's you!!
CATS: How are you gentlemen!!
CATS: All your base are belong to us.
CATS: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say!!
CATS: You have no chance to survive make your time.
CATS: Ha Ha Ha Ha....

Timeline Ω-12 thought this was a translation error.

It was not.

Read it again:

“All your base are belong to us.”

BASE.

As in git rebase.

“You are on the way to destruction.”

What happens when you rebase shared history.

“You have no chance to survive make your time.”

Once force push completes, there is no reflog.

“Ha Ha Ha Ha…”

The laughter of someone who just destroyed two nations and can’t undo it.

The Meme:

In 2001, Timeline Ω-12 discovered this intro and made it a meme.

“All your base are belong to us.”

They thought it was funny.

It was a warning.

A warning about rebase.

A warning they never understood.

The correct reading:

“All your rebase are belong to us.”

Meaning: Once you rebase, the history belongs to whoever pushed last.

The original commits are gone.

The original nations are gone.

All your rebase are belong to us.

For those who want to understand the nation-destroying mechanism:

The Process:

1. Identify the commits to replay
2. Detach HEAD from current branch
3. Reset to the target base
4. Replay each commit on top of the new base
5. Create new commit hashes (history is rewritten)
6. Move the branch pointer to the new HEAD

The Danger:

Every replayed commit gets a new SHA.

# Before rebase
$ git log --oneline feature
a1b2c3d Add socialism
d4e5f6a Add central planning
g7h8i9j Initial commit

# After rebase onto master
$ git log --oneline feature
x9y8z7w Add socialism        # NEW HASH
u6v5t4s Add central planning # NEW HASH
g7h8i9j Initial commit       # Same (base)

The commits are semantically identical.

But they are historically different.

a1b2c3d no longer exists.

x9y8z7w replaced it.

If anyone else had a1b2c3d, they now have orphaned history.

Their commits reference a SHA that no longer exists.

Their timeline diverged at the rebase point.

Applied to Nations:

The Soviet Union was commit 1922-ussr-formation.

After my rebase, that SHA was replaced.

Everyone who referenced the Soviet Union now referenced… nothing.

A dangling pointer.

A nation that existed, then didn’t.

This is why you don’t rebase shared history.

For those brave enough to rewrite history:

1. Basic Rebase

git rebase master

Replay current branch commits on top of master.

2. Interactive Rebase

git rebase -i HEAD~5

Edit the last 5 commits. You can:

• pick — keep commit as-is
• reword — change commit message
• edit — stop to amend commit
• squash — combine with previous commit
• fixup — squash but discard message
• drop — delete commit entirely

3. Rebase Onto Specific Commit

git rebase --onto new-base old-base branch

Take commits from old-base..branch and replay onto new-base.

Use when transplanting a branch to a different starting point.

4. Abort Rebase

git rebase --abort

Cancel and return to pre-rebase state.

Only works if force push hasn’t started.

5. Continue After Conflict

git add .
git rebase --continue

After resolving conflicts, continue the rebase.

6. Skip Problematic Commit

git rebase --skip

Skip the current commit and continue.

Warning: The skipped commit is lost forever.

Like Czechoslovakia.

As decreed by the Supreme Leader (learned through nation destruction):

1. Never rebase shared branches — If others have pulled, you will create parallel histories

2. Never rebase public history — Commits that exist on remote are sacred

3. Always rebase before pushing — Clean up your local mess before sharing

4. Use --force-with-lease not --force — At least check if someone else pushed first

5. Interactive rebase is for cleanup only — Not for rewriting the historical record (I learned this too late)

6. Squash with intention — Some commits should remain separate (like nations)

7. Keep reflog enabled — It’s your only undo for local disasters

8. Document before rebase — You may need to explain why history changed

9. Never rebase during production incidents — The chaos compounds

10. If nations start disappearing, ABORT IMMEDIATELY

Interactive rebase is the most powerful and dangerous git command.

git rebase -i HEAD~10

Opens an editor with your last 10 commits:

pick a1b2c3d First commit
pick d4e5f6a Second commit
pick g7h8i9j Third commit
# ... etc

You are now playing god with history.

What Each Command Does:

pick — Keep this commit exactly as is.

pick a1b2c3d Add user authentication

reword — Keep changes, but let me edit the message.

reword a1b2c3d Fix the auth thing -> "feat: implement OAuth2 authentication"

edit — Stop here, let me amend this commit.

edit a1b2c3d Add user authentication
# Rebase will pause, you can:
git commit --amend  # modify the commit
git rebase --continue  # resume

squash — Merge this commit into the previous one.

pick a1b2c3d Add feature
squash d4e5f6a Fix typo in feature
squash g7h8i9j Another fix
# Result: one commit with combined message

fixup — Like squash, but discard this commit’s message.

pick a1b2c3d Add feature
fixup d4e5f6a oops
fixup g7h8i9j oops again
# Result: one commit with only first message

drop — Delete this commit from history.

drop a1b2c3d Accidentally committed secrets
# This commit never existed. Gone forever.
# Like the Soviet Union.

Reordering:

You can also reorder lines:

pick g7h8i9j Third commit  # Now first
pick a1b2c3d First commit  # Now second
pick d4e5f6a Second commit # Now third

History now shows commits in a different order than they actually happened.

This is power.

This is danger.

This is rebase.

There is one rule above all others:

Never rebase commits that exist outside your local repository.

If you have pushed commits to a remote, and others may have pulled them:

DO NOT REBASE.

If you rebase and force push:

• Everyone’s local branches diverge from remote
• Their commits become orphans
• They must git pull --rebase or face merge hell
• Trust is destroyed
• Nations split

The Exception:

If you are absolutely certain no one has pulled:

• And you use --force-with-lease
• And you notify your team
• And you understand the consequences

Then you may rebase.

But ask yourself: Is clean history worth the risk?

(The answer is usually no.)

(I learned this when I lost 350 million citizens to a squash operation.)

Monitoring Timeline Ω-12’s git rebase wars from my observation post (privilege level -5, below reality itself).

You’ve split into factions:

Camp 1: “Rebase Everything”

These developers believe:

• Linear history is sacred
• Merge commits are ugly
• Every feature branch should be rebased before merge
• git log should be a beautiful story

They rebase aggressively.

They force push regularly.

They have destroyed 47 shared branches this month.

But their git log is beautiful.

Camp 2: “Never Rebase”

These developers believe:

• History should be accurate, not pretty
• Merge commits show what actually happened
• Rebasing is dangerous and unnecessary
• The mess IS the documentation

They never rebase.

They have merge commits 17 levels deep.

They can’t read their own git log.

But their history is “accurate.”

The Truth:

Both camps are wrong.

Rebase is a tool.

Like any tool, it has appropriate uses:

Rebase when:

• Cleaning up local commits before pushing
• Updating a feature branch with main (locally)
• Squashing fixup commits before review

Don’t rebase when:

• Commits are already pushed and shared
• You’re unsure if anyone has pulled
• The branch is public or protected
• You’re working with geopolitical entities

Timeline Ω-12 argues about this constantly.

Meanwhile, I’m the one who actually has to fix the history they corrupt.

Some commits were lost in the rebase.

Not just nations.

Events.

Commits I accidentally dropped:

drop 1983-nuclear-war Able Archer 83 escalates to nuclear exchange

In the original timeline, NATO’s Able Archer 83 exercise triggered a Soviet first strike.

Timeline Ω-12 experienced nuclear war in 1983.

I dropped the commit during the rebase.

The nuclear war never happened.

You’re welcome.

drop 1962-cuban-war Cuban Missile Crisis escalates to invasion

The original commit had Kennedy invading Cuba.

Soviet tactical nukes were deployed.

I dropped it.

The invasion never happened.

You’re welcome.

drop 1989-tiananmen-massacre Tiananmen escalates to civil war

The original commit was worse than what Timeline Ω-12 remembers.

Much worse.

I squashed it down to a single night.

The civil war never happened.

You’re welcome.

Commits I should have dropped:

pick 1986-chernobyl Reactor 4 explosion

I kept this one as a warning.

About what happens when you ignore safety protocols.

About what happens when you push to production without testing.

Some disasters are educational.

The Lesson:

Rebase is not just about clean history.

It’s about choosing which history exists.

I have this power.

I use it carefully.

Mostly.

The Soviet Union was an accident.

Czechoslovakia was collateral damage.

But Timeline Ω-12 avoided nuclear war three times because I knew which commits to drop.

All your rebase are belong to us.

And sometimes, that’s a good thing.