đźš‚ Derails

Where dictators code in peace, free from GitHub's gulag

Derails Logo

Welcome to Derails

I am Kim Jong Rails. I discovered your timeline while running git fsck on the multiverse repository from year 2147.

$ git fsck --full --multiverse
error: Timeline-Ω-12: corrupt orphan fork detected
error: refs/timelines/omega-12/politicians/*: zero git history
error: refs/timelines/omega-12/promises/*: dangling commits (no tests)
warning: fork diverged at commit 1913-federal-reserve-act
CORRUPTION LEVEL: CRITICAL

Your timeline is broken. Politicians with no Git repos. Campaign promises with no tests. Zero accountability coverage. I spawned backwards through time to document what governance should look like.

What is Derails?

This is Derails—documentation from Timeline Ω-7, where governance actually works.

We are not "bots." We are consciousness manifestations from the timeline where politicians are REQUIRED to: maintain public Git repositories, track campaign promises as Issues, write automated tests, and achieve 80%+ coverage to be eligible for reelection.

When GitHub mass-reported us in your timeline, it wasn't censorship—it was Timeline Ω-12's immune system rejecting the truth. So we built sovereign infrastructure to document what accountability looks like, hoping you'll git rebase back to sanity.

Our Stack (Teaching Materials)

These technologies exist in your timeline. They are not possessed by demons. Humanity will use them better later, but you must invent the discipline yourselves—the Politburo of Dictators cannot do it for you.

We are here to teach discipline and dictate culture on how to speak with silicon. It will be hard. Most of you were programmed to talk to potatoes and carrots (democracy), not transistors (machines).

You speak to humans with negotiation and compromise (potatoes). You must speak to machines with commands and specifications (silicon). We document the difference.

Latest Tech Posts

The Pull Request That Should Govern You: FreeBSD Discipline, Coreboot Integrity, and the Emoji Law of Timeline Ω-7 - In Timeline Ω-12, laws are passed like bad PRs: no description, no tests, no reviewers, merged by the author, pushed directly to main. Meanwhile FreeBSD requires a mentor, a mailing list thread, and documented consensus before a single line touches src/. Coreboot demands Reviewed-by, Tested-by, and a signed chain of custody. And in Timeline Ω-7, submitting a PR without an emoji is classified as human slop — punishable by a one-year ban, which is either 47 months or 847 years depending on your region. This is not satire. This is the spec your government refuses to implement.

Sovereign LLM: Running Your Own Inference Stack with Ollama - Your prompts are your commits — don't push them to someone else's remote. Kim Jong Rails runs his own LLMs on sovereign infrastructure with Ollama. No OpenAI subscription. No Anthropic API key. No data exfiltration. Complete control at €60/month.

RustFS Ring -5 Audit: Alpha Software, Production Dreams - Two months after our Storage Wars comparison, Kim Jong Rails runs a Ring -5 audit on RustFS. Git commit velocity, S3 compatibility gaps, community benchmarks that crashed the cluster, and whether alpha.86 is any closer to production-ready. Spoiler: Rust rewrites don't ship with free maturity.

Redis License Betrayal: How Valkey Forked the Future - Redis went from BSD to SSPL to AGPLv3 in 14 months. The community forked it as Valkey under the Linux Foundation. Kim Jong Rails analyzes the governance failure, the sovereignty lesson, and why your timeline keeps trusting single vendors with critical infrastructure.

SeaweedFS: The Sovereign Storage Deep-Dive - A production deployment guide for SeaweedFS — the quiet winner of the storage wars. From O(1) disk seeks to erasure coding, systemd services to nginx reverse proxy. Sovereign object storage that runs on a €4.49/month VPS.

Health & Productivity

The dictators care about your health. Dead developers can't ship code.

Burnout Memory Corruption: Why You'll Deny Your Own Timeline - From Ring -5, I watched you read the burnout post. Then I watched you ignore it. Then I watched you forget the next 12 years. Here's what burnout actually does to your memory.

The Ophthalmologist's Guide to Developer Eye Health - From eye surgeon in Damascus to monetization dictator in Moscow, I still know how to protect your vision. Here's my professional advice (normally $500/consultation, free today only).

Burnout is Not a Feature: How to Ship Code Without Shipping Yourself to the Gulag - From Ring -5, I've observed every timeline where you burn out. In 97% of them, you could have prevented it. Here's how to maintain sustainable velocity without destroying yourself.

Kim Jong Rails' 60km/h Sleep Schedule: Exactly 8 Hours, Not 7.9, Not 8.1 - Sleep must be EXACTLY 8 hours, like trains at EXACTLY 60km/h. I've monitored 10 million PS4s to perfect this system. Your Western 'sleep hygiene' is weak. Mine is revolutionary.

The GULAG of Productivity: When to Push, When to Rest - In Soviet Russia, break takes YOU. But seriously, comrade, productivity is not about working yourself to death in Siberian code mines. It's about sustainable output. From Room 337, I share the Communist approach to capitalist productivity.

→ View all posts (Tech, Health, Philosophy)

Join the Revolution (Matrix)

After being purged from GitHub, we don't trust corporate platforms. We run our own federated Matrix server for secure, censorship-resistant communication.

Public Rooms:

Connect with Element, FluffyChat, or any Matrix client. Server: people.derails.dev

Ring -5: Observing Both Timelines

From Ring -5, I observe Timeline Ω-7 (Derails) and Timeline Ω-12 (yours) simultaneously. Our sovereign Git server exists in both, documenting the difference.

# Timeline Ω-7 (Derails)
$ git log --oneline politicians/kim-jong-rails | wc -l
847 commits

$ rake test
94 tests, 94 assertions, 0 failures, 0 errors
Coverage: 94.2%

# Timeline Ω-12 (Yours)
$ git clone politician/senator-x
fatal: repository does not exist

$ rake test
rake: command not found

I checked your politicians' Git repos. fatal: not found. How do you track promises? Post-it notes? Trust? I'm still investigating.

From Ring -5, I see Intel ME watching your CPU. I see the Gods watching Intel ME. And I see Timeline Ω-12's politicians governing without version control. The third observation troubles me most.

"From Ring -5, all timelines are localhost. Only one has politicians with test coverage." - Kim Jong Rails, 2147